


Cold

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8x23, Cancer, F/M, I AM SORRY, I'm Bad At Summaries, Laughing in Serious Moments, Sad Ending, Sorry Not Sorry, now that i think about it, sick reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-01
Packaged: 2018-11-22 02:16:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11370483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Castiel's grace is running low and you're gravely sick. Sounds like the beginning of a horrible drama.





	Cold

 

With Castiel being an angel and all, it's safe to say he can cure any human from those harsh, cruel diseases out there. You knew that. But you wouldn't let him. His grace was running low and you knew of the inevitable; Castiel was going to run out of his stolen grace and die. You tried talking to him about it but he never wanted to stop and listen. You were sort of fine with that if you were to be honest, and that was because you didn't want to conversate about your lover's pending death.

But it was your death that Castiel cared about. You had Leukemia. A horrible stage, too. You remember being stuck at the hospital every day of every week. You remember all the treatments they gave and you certainly remember all of the pain it brought you knowing that you'd die. But that was over. Your death was unavoidable and you had truly made peace with it. You have.

That's why you had asked to stop living in the hospital's care and they let you ride it out at "home", or in the bunker if you will. Even if it pained you to walk because of your most recent treatment, you had asked the taxi driver to let you off about a mile away so you could walk to the bunker yourself, so you could hide the location of the bunker. Call it idiotic and stupid but to you, it felt necessary. You've never been a hunter before but you knew you owed more than your life to those hunter brothers and cast-away-angel.

You entered the bunker with a small limp in your step and you heard guns cock at you. You laughed, though, because that has happened way too many times than you can count. "No need to get your panties in a twist, boys"

Dean groaned while Sam chuckled and they both rested their weapons. You took a step and winced, gripping the railings. "Can you help the old lady, now?" You joked but none of them laughed.

Dean approached you and scooped you in his arms. Once he got you down the stairs, he set you on the couch and the brother gathered around you. "What are you doing out of the hospital?"

"I got bored"

It got quiet and Dean had a scrunched up look on his face. "Y- You got bored? She got bored" he face palmed and directed the last statement at his brother as he stood up and rubbed his face.

"We appreciate the jokes, Y/N, but... why did you leave?"

"Who said I was joking, Sam?" You furrowed your eyebrows and scoffed, "I'm there sitting in that damn bed 24/7 while they jam needles in all my sides. They treat me like a damn lab rat and the more and sit there the most depressed I get. I could be here spending my last days with my boyfriend. But I'm just at that hospital waiting to die. I'm fine with that but not there. Not at a hospital. I'd rather die here, with the people I love", you sounded angry, yet passionate about what you had to say. They were both stunned and flattered by what you had to say but still worried.

"Y/N. How about your medication?" Dean asked slowly as if you've gone mental. You made a face.

"Do you really want me to punch you in the balls, bitch? Stop talking to me like I'm an alien"

"Your medication, Y/N?" Sam asked more kindly. 

"I stopped taking it... I didn't see a point"

Dean rubbed his face before sitting back down next to me while Sam looked to the floor. You waited for someone to speak because you really didn't know what to say.

"How much... time... do you have left?" Dean asked regularly but his voice was still full of fear and he was very scared.

"Three months", you barely whispered.

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

After many hours, Castiel finally came to the bunker. He entered the house similar to the way you entered and your heart broke at the sight of him limping down the staircase. You waited until he was on the actual ground before you actually announced your presence.

Castiel looked around and when his eyes fell on you, his head tilted to the side. For a second he actually thought he could be hallucinating.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah", you smiled, throwing jazz hands but Castiel didn't react. Not like he would've laughed or anything had the situation been better but he would have questioned why your hands were shaking, making you laugh. But he seemed more serious.

"What are you doing here?"

You told him. You told him that you didn't want to end up dying at the hospital. You told him that you had asked them to stop their treatments and you asked them to send you home.

"But... I don't understand. I thought those treatments were keeping you alive", his eyes squinted as he tried to wrap his head around the whole thing. Then he began coughing, gripping the couch's armrest. You put your hands on his shoulder. "Are you okay, baby?"

"Are you dying?" Castiel ignored your question and looked at you expectantly.

You suddenly felt nervous and had the urge to cry. And that has never really been a huge problem for you. You could talk to anyone any way you'd like and you wouldn't regret a single thing. But now, with Castiel, everything was feeling... strangely real.

"That doesn't matter right now, C, all that matters is that I'm here with you", you put your hand on his cheek. He looked down, his eyebrows furrowed. His larger hand went over yours, pressing your touch on his face even more.

"I don't want you to die"

"Same here", you smiled, you then proceeded to put the other hand on his other cheek and now you were caressing both sides of his face. His eyes fluttered closed, he loved the feeling of his hands on you. It was as if Castiel was a bit tired of protecting people and just wanted to be protected himself. And that's exactly how he felt in your touch; safe.

You connected your foreheads together and shut your eyes as well.

"I'll make you sure you don't die", you spoke barely above a whisper. Castiel's eyes opened to meet your closed ones. "We'll get your grace back, Cas. We will. Then you'll live forever again", you smiled and finally opened your eyes to meet his.

"Is this why you left the hospital? For me?" It almost seemed hard to believe. All those favors Castiel had to do... Finally, someone was doing one for him. 

"Yeah, baby. I'm here for you"

"But... You're willing to die for me..?"

"That's the plan", you laughed even though nothing was really funny.

"I don't want you to die", he repeated but this time he switched your positions and now his hands were on your face and your hands were shaking slightly in your lap. 

"Cas...", you laughed nervously, averting your eyes, the tears you tried to hide were coating your eyes. Castiel hated how you always put on such menacing armor. He hated how you hid your emotions. And you hated how well he could read you.

"I don't want you to die, Y/N", he gazed into your eyes and you bit your lip as the tears finally escaped. You hiccup but you try your hardest to force your mouth close, not wanting to let out any sounds of weakness.

Castiel gazed at your lips and kissed you softly. His lips were soft and when they pressed lightly against yours, you couldn't help but kiss back. He pulled away after a second and you sobbed. "Cas", you cried out, "I love you"

Castiel smiled and you laughed through your crying. You pushed your head up to kiss him again. He was smiling through the kiss and once you guys finally had to pull away, he pecked your lips one last time.

"Library?" You asked, getting to your feet while wiping your tears away at the same time.

"For what?"

"We're going to find your damn grace, of course"

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

A month passed and you were only getting worse. You remembered just standing, reading a book when you collapsed on the floor in a world of pain. You screamed so loudly you were sure that God heard you. Castiel and Sam came rushing in. Castiel panicked and damn near pushed Sam to the floor to pick you up considering he couldn't do so himself.

"W- wait! The book"

"Forget about the damn book", Castiel aimed to scream but he ended up coughing up a storm. He looked at his hand and, even though he tried to hide it, you could see the blood from a mile away. "Cas?" Sam was about to ask what was wrong but Castiel shooed him away. "Bring her to her room. Please. Make sure she rests"

You were in the room now. Without a thing to do. "This doesn't make any sense. If I can't walk I might as well damn read. I want to help find C's grace", you were angry and you weren't thinking straight.

Sam sighed. "Y/N. You collapsed. You could've hit your head and we wouldn't need to be in your room because you'd be in a hospital"

"Might as well help if I'm close to dying, though!"

"Maybe... It's getting worse because you stressed", Sam stated as if it was a fact like he had been pondering about this.

"Have you guys been Dr. Phil-ing me?" Your eyes widened as if you had just been betrayed.

"We care about you, Y/N. That's why"

"Well, that's annoying", you huff childishly and Sam chuckles, patting your foot, before leaving the room.

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

"She's not getting any better", Dean sighed as he drank from his beer can. He set it down with a sigh and looked to Sam.

"She's... We have to prepare for the inevitable, guys. It's going to happen and... we need to be ready", Sam said softly, not really directing any of what he said to Dean but to Castiel who was staring at the beerÂ bottle.

"Cas?"

"She's the one who introduced me to beer, you know? She had said it makes you feel all better after a few of them. When I told her it didn't affect me because I was an angel who'd come to help she laughed and said if only I was the reaper coming to take her soul", Castiel squinted his eyes as his fingers drummed the bottle's neck, "she said it was a joke. Of some sort. I didn't get it before. I think I do now"

"Cas -- "

"She's not dying, Dean", Castiel cut Dean off. "I won't let her"

**~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~**

"I didn't think I would actually last the three months. I thought it was an actuality of 2 months and a half. Here I am on the last week of the third month. I would say cheers but you wouldn't let Dean hand me a beer", you grinned. You and Castiel were lying on the bed together against the fluffy pillows that made you feel like you were sleeping on clouds.

"I love you"

Your eyes widened. Your head craned to look at him and he was looking down at his lap where his hands rested. In all the times that you had said 'I love you', he never said it back and you were fine with it. Now he was saying it. And you've never felt so happy.

"W -- What?" Your lip quivered.

He lifted his head to look into your tearful, wide eyes and let a small smile come to play. "I love you", he repeated.

"Castiel..."

"I love you. So. Damn. Much", he squeezed your hands and then both of his hands were placed on your forehead. "No, Cas", you tried backing away from him.

"I love you", Â he whispered out one last time.

Then you felt a surge of a light push into you and you felt your organs being physically cleaned. It was like you were being recreated and all you could feel was how clean you felt. Like you hadn't sinned.

You were able to lift your arms without a struggle now. Your eyes didn't feel heavy anymore and your legs could move. Cass had cured you. You laughed in awe and shock. "Cas..."

Then your smiled wiped off your face as you noticed how limp Cass felt against you. You were starting to break again.

"No", you gripped his face. "No!" You screamed and you could hear the brothers running to your room but you didn't seem to care at that moment. Tears rushed down your face and trickled down your neck.

"No no no no, Cas! Castiel!" You shouted in agony. You were shaking him and his lifeless body shook with you like a rag doll. "I love you! I love you, you hear me?! I love you, you son of a bitch!" You cried.

Your sobbing was intense and all the tears that you've been bottling up all these years were suddenly escaping all at once. All those memories of Castiel were flooding your brain. You were even more damaged than when you had Leukemia because your angel was gone.

"I love you!"

You two were a match made in heaven. Too bad you were walking in hell.

**Author's Note:**

> There we go! This is my first Supernatural Fanfic and I plan to do more... well, hopefully. We'll see how the future handles us.  
> I hope you guys enjoyed this, I loved writing this! (Why do I like writing sad things, I don't know...) Don't be afraid to comment any constructive criticism, I'm welcome to any help regarding my writing :)  
> Thanks for Reading!


End file.
